Ending Point

Friday, 27 May 2011

One Step At a Time.

Now that I am back in my home town, living in my mother's house (bless), I am being drawn more and more towards my bed. Finding the motivation to make movements and take action to improve my way of living is becoming more difficult. 

When I was in school I would go out once and a while, like every college student does, and "mash-it-up" with my friends; chugging down Rich__ street paying no mind to the gaggle of girls cussing down bouncers for not letting them into the bars.
Though I still do crave the excitement of being ushered into a strobe-lit establishment by the wobble of a hot tune, or even dropping asleep on some person's couch with the disgusting yet familiar smell of booze and smoke lingering on my clothes, I need to focus some of my attention on the questions we all fear, "What are you really doing with your life?", or better yet, "How is doing X going to help you on your way to success?"

OK, this is gonna get well deep.

The morning after I moved back home - sitting on my new bed, in my new room, looking around at the furniture that was once in my $812.50/month (split) apartment - a feeling of sadness overwhelmed me. I felt trapped all of a sudden like I could not move, and yes I might have cried a little bit. 
I heard my mother call my name as she walked down the stairs, so I quickly got up and start to clean my room. I was trying to better organize the clutter that was my life, not knowing where anything went but knew it had to go somewhere. My mother came into my room and asked what I was doing and I responded, "I'm trying to clean my room!" She told me to sit down (3 times as usual) and eventually I did. I was trying to not seem upset as she asked me what my problem was and why I was cleaning my already clean room. After giving her a set of bullshit answers I explained to her how I was feeling. She began to tell me about how she felt after she finished school (anxious, ready to do something but not knowing what to do, sad, happy, etc.) and how she had to keep reminding herself that she had nothing to worry about. She had done the one thing that had taken all her attention, energy and time - she had finished school and graduated. She continued to tell me that I didn't have to stress about things that had already passed or things that were years ahead. All I had to do was take each day and each experience from here on one step at a time, "Stop, breathe, sigh and smile".

I know what I'm saying is common sense, but at times we can get smothered by our goals, becoming overwhelmed and stressed. We just have to step back, take a breath, let it out and smile saying,"OK, what's next?"

I hope my rambling has brought a smile to someones face!

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